Five Go Wild In Surrey (a.k.a. A Fundraising Hike Extraordinaire)

The hike begins"Gosh, we're off again!" cried Adam, settling into his corner of the train as it pulled out of Aldershot station. "How I do love the beginnings of a hike, getting ready, looking at maps, planning how to get there, and then at last setting off!"

"Woof!" said Ros, wagging her tail.

"On a lovely fine day like this!" said Amy. "Leonie, how did you hear of the South Downs Way?"

"Well it was Uncle Thomas who heard about it, really," said Leonie. "You know how he's got all those coach-spotter friends who like to go off to lonely places and work out all kinds of ideas in peace and quiet. Well, one of them mentioned it to me, and I thought we might take a picnic along and have a nice day in the country. I've made so much lovely cake, and there's lashings and lashings of chardonnay to go round."

"She's right!" said Adam. "I feel a bit skin-and-bonish after slaving at work for months. I could do with fattening up."

They all laughed. Ros thumped her tail against Adam's knees and opened her mouth to let her tongue hang out. She looked exactly as if she were laughing.

"That's right, grin at my jokes," said Adam. "I'm glad you're coming, Ros, it wouldn't be the same without you."

"She always has to come with us," said Amy. "And she's shared in every single adventure we've had."

"Good old Ros," said Ryan. "Well, she may share in one this time, too. You never know."

"I'm not going to have any more adventures this time," said Leonie in a firm voice. "I just want a hike, a picnic and a piss-up, nothing more. Let's have a jolly good time, and not go looking for anything strange or mysterious or adventurous."

"Right," said Ryan. "Adventures are off this time. Definitely off. And if anything does turn up, we pooh-pooh it and walk off. Is that agreed?"

"Yes," said Leonie.

"Alright," said Amy doubtfully.

"Fine," said Adam.

"Woof!" said Ros.

At that moment, the train gave a most unearthly shriek and pulled into Farnham Station. And once the doors had opened, the five were off!

Cake sale stats

Cake sales held to date: 2

Recipes lost: 3

Tears shed: just a few

Recipes found: 3

Kilos of chocolate used: 1.8

Total hours spent baking: 8

Average time of arrival of Tesco delivery man with more baking supplies: 10pm

Average finishing time: Midnight

Date of sales: 1st and 7th August

Calories contained in total cake output: 73,078

Total amount raised through cake sales to date: £227

Generosity of colleagues: infinite.

Civil servants scoff the sweet stuff

It's a rare occasion that civil servants succumb to their sweet tooth (or should that be collective teeth?), preferring as they often do to nibble on half a raw carrot stick or bowl of pureed lentils*. But today DWP civil servants did a stirling job of putting their aversions to the sweeter stuff to one side to "Raleigh" round to support Ros at her inaugural charity cake sale.

The cake sale and "guess my time" raffle, which took place at Caxton House at 11am, raised a grand total of £112 for Raleigh International.

It featured a wholesome banana and walnut cake which disappeared in about 3 minutes (see - they DO prefer the healthier options!**), an array of citrus fairy cakes and several hunks of chocolate and pecan brownies, which proved to be the downfall of more than one senior civil servant.

The cake sale also featured the opportunity to put money on Ros the Raleigh Runner (who pranced in the style of a famous racehorse for the occasion) by guessing her official finish time in the forthcoming Windsor half marathon, with some staff musing over the clue sheet for a good half hour before basing their decision on whether Ros looked sprightly or sluggish as she dished up the fairy cakes***.

Ros voiced her gratitude to all who partook in the festivities, thanking everyone in Private Office and Press Office for their generosity, not to mention the people on the 5th and 6th floors of Caxton House that she foisted brownies upon.

"This is just the beginning," she said. "We'll be holding another couple of cake sales in the next few weeks for colleagues at other DWP sites across London. I am overwhelmed by your support for me and for Raleigh International - thank you so much for coming along today. If we can raise even half as much money at the next two sales, I will easily hit the 50% mark for my fundraising target!"

At the same time, she acknowledged the emotional struggle that many of her colleagues had to undergo in order to support her sale. "I know how much civil servants dislike cake," she said.

Ros is getting quite used to writing about herself in the third person.

*Example of dodgy evidence, which should not be used to inform policy-making.
** Example of dodgy deductive reasoning
*** See two footnotes above